"Men's Role in Breaking the Silence on Domestic Violence"
Notes from January 30, 2008 symposium in Toronto.
These are my notes from the evening. I had not planned on taking notes and only did so once Dr. Sohail began speaking. I’m a little out of practice on taking minutes and have already identified what I could have done to make the effort more productive.
This is a list of the people and organizations that attended with their mission statements for future reference and archive purposes. Much of the information was retrieved through websites and internet searches. The mission statements have been edited somewhat and if anyone feels an edit or correction is necessary, I will make the change immediately. I also may make further edits and simply write a much shorter article outlining the evening.
A few brief notes about some of the topics discussed are also included but by no means did I capture the full range of thoughts and themes presented.
Next time this will be greatly improved.
Sincerely,
Chris Wood
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Contents:
- The who, what, when, where and why.
- An introduction of the organizers, presenters and panelists.
- Themes discussed and personal notes.
- List of contacts.
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The who, what, when, where and why.
On Wednesday, January 30th 2008, I had the opportunity to attend a symposium organized by the REH’MA Foundation, The White Ribbon Campaign and the Amni Centre.
"Men's Role in Breaking the Silence on Domestic Violence" focused on why it is important for men to speak out about violence against women and girls and what role men should have in ending the violence.
The symposium, held at the AMNI Centre on 246 Bloor St W. in Toronto, is part of a larger effort on Breaking the Silence on Domestic Violence which focused on marginalized women, specifically from the Muslim and South Asian communities. The project follows a multi-faceted model which includes women, men and professionals from different fields.
Major activities include: recruitment and training volunteers, outreach, translation of resource materials, workshops, focus groups, informational sessions, and media involvement. These activities are designed to break the silence and raise awareness in Muslim and South Asian communities about the corrosive effects of domestic violence on individual, family, and the community at large.
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An introduction of the organizers, presenters and panelists.
In over fifty-five countries, The White Ribbon Campaign (WRC) is the largest effort in the world of men working to end violence against women.
Wearing a white ribbon is a personal pledge to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women and girls.
For more information please visit their website at: www.whiteribbon.ca
The REH’MA Foundation is a non-profit organization that provides assistance and support to elders within the Muslim community. Their referral services are available in ten different languages to address the unique concerns and needs of seniors, some of which include isolation, access to transportation, affordable housing and financial concerns.
REH’MA website is currently under construction.
The AMNI Centre is a diversity initiative of the Faculty of Social Work at the University of Toronto that focuses on issues related to equity and social justice in the context of increasing ethnic diversity in the Greater Toronto Region.
For more information please visit their website at:
AMNI Centre - http://www.socialwork.utoronto.ca/index.php?section=249&oid=249
Faculty of Social Work - http://www.socialwork.utoronto.ca/index.php?section=1
These groups are reaching out in partnership, to share ideas, knowledge and resources and are as a result, creating a diverse network while complementing each others unique mission.
The symposium was hosted and organized by Amra Munawar and her wonderful team of volunteers from REH,MA who provided a comfortable, relaxing atmosphere for the evening, making introductions, mingling and offering refreshments. A job well done in bringing everyone together. The best outcome will be when we all continue to work together on more initiatives ensuring exposure and attracting more committed individuals.
There more than 70 participants gathered to welcome the evenings moderator, a psychiatrist by profession, Dr. Khalid Sohail is founder of the Creative Psychotherapy Clinic in Whitby, ON. As is often the case, Dr. Sohail profession does not describe the person. He is also a humanist, philosopher, accomplished author of poems, stories, travelogues, novellas and essays, published in English, Urdu and Punjabi.
When not writing, he makes himself available to the public, sharing his wisdom, engaging in honest discourse while teaching and learning at the same time.
Please visit Dr. Sohail at his website: http://www.drsohail.com/
Dr. Sohail provided insightful words of encouragement then illustrated that much of the time; it takes drastic action or words from a woman in ones life before many men can face the reality of their aggressive personalities. He shared the case of a woman, whom although not physically harmed, suffered through years of mental and emotional abuse from her husband. In desperation, she finally packed her bags and declared her desire to leave. Only when seeing the packed bags and hopelessness on his wife’s face, did the man come to realize he had a problem and must seek help to overcome and salvage his marriage. This story thankfully, ended well, for which we are all grateful.
Dr Sohail, having set the tone for the evening proceeded to introduce the two guest speakers and participating presenters and panelists.
For the REH’MA Foundation, Ally Esmail explained the organizations mandate and listed the many organizations they have partnered with creating a wide network of diverse individuals to coordinate efforts and meet the needs of the community.
Todd Minerson, Executive Director of The White Ribbon Campaign described the origins of the WRC and how the primary focus entails engaging and teaching youth about gender equality and the effects of suppressing women and girls through violence or any other harmful methods. Although boys are the intended audience, girls will also greatly benefit from the lessons that the WRC have created which meet Ontario curriculum expectations.
John Argue, coordinator of The Ontario Coalition of Social Justice and Sri Lanka Coordinator with Amnesty International spoke passionately and with clear empathy for the people and work done in Sri Lanka. John has worked with some of the participants in attendance in the past and I look forward to seeing what they have planned for the future.
For more information please visit their website at http://www.ocsj.ca/
The Arab Community Centre of Toronto (ACCT) was represented by, Ameera Basmadji who reported the great work that they are doing by providing information and assistance, to guarantee the success of individuals and families in Canada. They also provide a focal point for access to various services, including (but not limited to), employment, immigration, and settlement services.
For more information please visit their website at: http://arabcommunitycentre.com/index_en.php
Also included on the panel was Sara Abraham of York University. I should have taken better notes because when I did an internet search for Sara and the only Sara Abraham I found teaches at the University of Toronto - Mississauga Department of Sociology, and has a book forthcoming with Rowman and Littlefield on the historical trajectory of multiracialism in the Anglophone Caribbean. I am sure this is the same Sara and will be speaking with Amra Munawar with REH’MA for confirmation next week and will edit if necessary.
http://www.yorku.ca/ycar/YCARUpdates_Issue67_Nov10_2006.htm
Joining Sara on the panel was Baldev Mutta, Executive Director of Punjabi Community Health Centre (PCHC). One of the three main projects initiated by PCHC is the Research on Sexual Abuse of Women in the Punjabi Community project. This 160 page Research Report explores the complexities surrounding sexual abuse of women in the Punjabi community in the Region of Peel.
For more information please visit their website at: www.pchealthcentre.com
Balraj Cheema Program Co-coordinator of Punjabi Kalman Da Kafla completes the panel. Kalman Da Kafla is an association of Canadian Punjabi writers and scholars, dedicated to promoting Punjabi literature abroad.
To learn more please visit the following link:
http://www.globalpunjabi.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogcategory&id=18&Itemid=40&Itemid=40&Itemid=40&Itemid=40&Itemid=40&Itemid=40
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Themes discussed and personal notes
“If you want you son to grow to be a Prince; Then you must treat his mother as if she were your Queen”
The most memorable quote from the evening and I’m sorry I do not remember who said it, but the message is so simple and wonderful, I will always live by it.
If I have anywhere wrongly attributed a statement to the incorrect individual I truly regret the error and please accept my apology.
The mission statements cover the very basic theme discussing the role men have in working to end violence against women and particularly what the Muslim and South Asian communities are doing in this effort.
John Argue explained how even Amnesty International only recently began seriously implementing programs to deal with these issues. Some challenges presented were holding governments accountable to initiate changes through education and supporting resources to address public complacency.
One concern reinforced throughout the evening is how patriarchal and misguided definitions of masculinity lead to a culture of control, dominance and violence towards women and girls. Some male immigrants coming to Canada once faced with the reality that there can be barriers preventing men from finding good paying jobs or women for that matter; resent and commit violence towards women, who may now be in an equal or greater emotional and financial benefit to the family. This perceived “loss of value” can be a dangerous catalyst that will trigger some men’s acts of violence to reassert control and reclaim the power dynamic from women.
When we learn the profound benefits of sharing this power dynamic and realizing how better our own lives will be, as well as the lives of our families when we share in all aspects of home management like housework and home finances; we support each others leisure and professional pursuits and respect our rights as individuals. Then men will truly love and understand how great the women in our lives compliment and not take away from our masculinity.
This can not be stressed enough, that violence is found in every culture, class or any distinction or name we use to identify ourselves with. Only through meeting, visiting and learning from each other, will we be better able to understand and realize that we share more similarities than we have differences. We are so very fortunate to live in an area where multi-culturalism is in the normal providing unlimited opportunities.
There is real concern that Muslims and Islam have been unfairly singled out by many in western media as being predisposed to violence, which only further degrades the great work being done within our communities. The atmosphere of fear, ignorance and intolerance portrayed in mass media must take some responsibility to provide a more balanced view of Muslims and other marginalized peoples or negative stereotypes.
Understand that many religions have been used and will continue to be used and abused, by people who will offer explanations as to why their religion, gives men right to war and commit violence as justification of their own fears and a means to control thoughts and action. It was made clear that the major religions that we choose to live our lives in accordance with do not advocate violence and we must dispel the notion and beliefs that lead to such thought.
Ameera Basmadji explained that the ACCT have been involved with war refugees and immigrants of Eastern European and South Asian conflicts. War crimes perpetrated against women and children as a means of pacifying, terrorizing or putting an economical and emotional strain on a targeted countries social network, is an area that I have personally researched and speak out against.
It is great to see the ACCT involved with efforts to help such persons escape the brutalities of war.
Realize that physical violence is just one of forms of violence women suffer at the hands of men but more women will endure the many other forms of violence, some of which include; emotional and psychological, financial controls, stalking and harassment and sexual violence.
Some final points:
Violence and the culture of violence is most often learned.
Media can be our biggest asset and our greatest liability. Mass Media, too often glamorizes violence, promotes ignorance instead of educating and reinforcing negative stereotypes. While individual members of the media, once sympathetic or empathetic to your cause can bring incredible benefits due to the audience they can reach.
Public leadership figures like many in attendance here this night, are the true role models and sources of inspiration for our youth.
Getting back to including our village elders in planning and decision making, both male and female, will go a long way to a more just and secure society and family structure.
Leading by example. Both women and men. That is what I have seen this night.
At the very least a man can lead by example and speak out where most shy away and remain silent. This s the best one thing every man can do to address our concern about violence and specifically violence against women and girls
Lastly, I would like again to apologize for any exclusions and thank-you all for providing me with this opportunity to become involved.
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List of Contacts
The White Ribbon Campaign – Executive Director Todd Minerson
www.whiteribbon.ca
Amra Munawar and Ally Esmail - The REH’MA Foundation
Website under construction
Dr. Khalid Sohail is founder of the Creative Psychotherapy Clinic
http://www.drsohail.com/
John Argue, coordinator of The Ontario Coalition of Social Justice
http://www.ocsj.ca/
Ameera Basmadji The Arab Community Centre of Toronto
http://arabcommunitycentre.com/index_en.php
Sara Abraham I found teaches at the University of Toronto - Mississauga Department of Sociology
http://www.yorku.ca/ycar/YCARUpdates_Issue67_Nov10_2006.htm
Baldev Mutta, Executive Director of Punjabi Community Health Centre
www.pchealthcentre.com
Balraj Cheema Program Co-coordinator of Punjabi Kalman Da Kafla
http://www.globalpunjabi.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogcategory&id=18&Itemid=40&Itemid=40&Itemid=40&Itemid=40&Itemid=40&Itemid=40
The AMNI Centre
http://www.socialwork.utoronto.ca/index.php?section=249&oid=249
http://www.socialwork.utoronto.ca/index.php?section=1
El Farouk Khaki – NDP Federal Candidate for Toronto Centre
www.elfaroukkhaki.ca
The Toronto Women’s Bookstore is a non-profit bookstore dedicated to promoting anti-oppression politics and feminist politics.
We are a bookstore that nurtures diverse communities through special events and ventures. We offer a multitude of community services such as bulletin boards, reading groups, and courses. We also host author readings and book launches.
For more information please visit their website at: www.womensbookstore.com
